heaven to me

This song actually started as a daydream I was having about heaven, which, of course, is a little ridiculous since we can't begin to fathom what it will be like...but, still, I was enjoying the imagining, and as the daydream progressed, it sort of took me over, and I came to realize what - amidst all the pleasures - I was most looking forward to...

on that day
the veil will be removed finally
and i will see
all the things i've longed to see
and i will hear the angels singing
and i will kiss
the faces that i've missed
and i will ask
the questions that i've wanted answers to

but mostly i just want to be with You

so i will run
no, i will fly
and throw my arms around You
if i can
and i do not have plans
to let go

and i've heard
the gates are made of pearls
and there's gold paving the streets
but all that i will see
with my face buried in Your chest
will be heaven to me

my face buried in Your chest
will be heaven to me

live in the tension

I want so badly for everything to have an answer, to fit nicely into categories of right and wrong, yes and no. I want everything to work out and have a happy ending, every wrong to be righted, every step to be clear and obvious. I want to find the straight line between every two points and take it, no detours for me, thanks. I want everyone to win. But that's not how life is. There are gray areas. There are places where we have to choose between equally good options. There are decisions that will hurt or result in loss either way. There are moments when your mind and your heart disagree.

When he finds me trying to categorize and reference, my spiritual mentor and friend Rev. Jim Lincoln is always telling me, "There's a tension there, and you have to live in it..." I'm learning. Slowly. I call this song my policy manual for dealing with tension, and I actually use it. When I find myself in one of those gray areas, I go through the chorus in my mind: First, if you're nervous, demonstrate even more love. Next, if you're not sure, choose the more gracious way. Let go of the controls and entrust your life to GOD. He knows you're seeking to do the right thing and to honor Him. Just 'cause it's foggy doesn't mean He's not there. He's just making you stronger.

between poverty and living comfortably
between what I want and what I need
between keeping up and the way it's always been
between loving the sinner and hating the sin

between wanting to stay and a calling to go
between wondering and needing to know
between being honest and being kind
between waiting and wasting time

it gets a little gray
so I will pray

and live in the tension
and love when I'm nervous
and err on the side of grace
when i'm not sure
i lay down my life again
as my act of worship
and by Your strength
i will endure
as i live in the tension

between peacemaking and controversy
between free will and destiny
between faith alone and works and deeds
between enabling and caring for their needs

You are excellent Tu es excellent

This was inspired by a John Piper sermon I was listening to online. He was talking about the excellencies of GOD, how we should sing them to the world, and it occurred to me that there aren't many songs that use the word "excellent" to talk about GOD, and so then I wrote this one.

You, o GOD, You are excellent    Toi, o DIEU, Tu es excellent
You are excellent, i will sing to the world    Tu es excellent, je chanterai au monde
that You, o GOD, You are excellent    que Toi, o DIEU, Tu es excellent
You are excellent, and nothing compares to You    Tu es excellent et rien n'est egal a Toi

i look around at all You have made    autour de moi je vois tout ce que T'as fait
and i stand in awe of Your beauty displayed    je suis ebahi(e) par Ta beaute
who else could aspire to such a standard?    qui d'autre atteint une telle qualite ?
who else could create such wonders?    qui d'autre concoit de telles merveilles ?

miles away

My friendship with Becky (Johnson) Green has been one of the dearest and most important of my life. We knew each other in high school, but didn't really become friends until we worked together at Black Lake Bible Camp in 1994, and ever since our friendship has grown mainly through letters, as we have not had the pleasure of living anywhere near each other. When I made the choice to come home from France, one of the things I was most looking forward to was getting to see Becky more often. But GOD had other plans, as before I even had a chance to see her, He whisked her off to teach in Singapore. So I am becoming an expert at missing her. This song is about how I cope...

what are you doing
way over there
on the other side of the world?
it's just not fair
i come back and you leave
you should be here with me
i miss you so!

i hear you in your letters
they always make me cry
it's almost as if we are together
but not quite
i miss you so...

i think of eternity
where we'll find a quiet spot
and a cup of tea
and a thousand years to get caught up
just you and me
and that thought helps me smile today
though you're miles away

i ask the question
"why must it be like this?"
but i know the answer
He must've wanted it
i know He's making us stronger
as we're apart
and while it's making me fonder
it's still breaking my heart
i miss you so...

what are you doing way over there on the other side of the world?

righteousness

I wrote this song while house-sitting for friends from church. It'd been welling up in me for some time. Over the past year or so, I have gained a new understanding of what righteousness is all about, and now whenever I think of it, joy comes gushing out of me. Put simply, we need one thing to be reconciled to GOD: righteousness. But it also is the one thing that (because of sin) we can't get, earn, buy, make, build, bargain for, or find on our own. So how do we get it? GOD gives us HIS. He says, you need this thing that you can't get...so I'll give you Mine. Which is really just so incredible when you think about it!! But it goes against our nature...as I express in the song, I am constantly trying to relate to GOD based on what I do, and He is continually coming back with "but it's not about that"...

i fall down before You
'cause i'm too weak to stand
but there You are, arms wide open,
to welcome me back again
i don't know how You forget
it's a mystery to me
a debt as great as mine
and You only see

You see righteousness
by the price You've paid
You see a blameless bride clothed in white
in my helplessness
from the mess i've made
You make everything right

and i continue to bring up
all the things that i've done wrong
as if i could convince You
that i just do not belong
here in Your holy presence
but You ask me to remain
because You paid so dearly
for me to look this way

and i worship You, my GOD and King
I praise You, Lord, You're so good to me
and You make everything right

You're the GOD who calls things that are not
as if they already were
how else could such a wretch as i
be looked on as pure?

what we want to say (the two rivers song)

This was written for the one year anniversary of Two Rivers Church (again while house-sitting for those friends...something about that house!). Our church officially started meeting in October 2004 and I was appointed worship leader. One of the most important things I've learned in this role, one thing that keeps coming back to me, is that worship (both congregational and personal) is essentially time that we get to spend telling GOD what we want to say to Him...what He means to us, what we're grateful for, what we love about Him...and this has caused me to be very intentional. As I choose songs for our services, I ask myself, "Is this what we want to say to GOD?" I posed the same question as October 2005 neared and I reflected back on an incredible first year together. I took the liberty of speaking on behalf of all of us at Two Rivers with this song.

as we look back on our journey so far
we're overwhelmed by how great You are
and at how we've been blessed and how we have grown
by moving outside of our comfort zone

how hard we've laughed and how deeply we've cried
how You've answered our prayers to be unified
how we're small but strong as You work within us
and how all along Your hand has been on this

and what we want to say is that we are amazed
and we give You all the praise for what You've done
and what we want to say is that we are Yours
and all of this is for the glory of Your Son

as we look ahead to what You have in store
we thank You for now and we ask You for more
'cause we want Your light to shine in this place
and we want them to know Your love and Your grace

return unto thy rest

I wrote this tune while driving home from an evening service at Athey Creek Christian Fellowship. Pastor Brett was preaching on these verses and they cut me to the heart. I love it that the psalmist is talking to himself, to his soul, and I needed (and continue to need) to give myself the same talking-to. I am so quick to moan about what I don't have or what seems unfair in my life, when the reality is that the Lord has dealt bountifully with me. Since that night, I have had the verse on my dashboard to remind me of that.

return unto thy rest, o my soul
the Lord has dealt bountifully with thee
return unto thy rest, o my soul
the Lord has dealt bountifully with thee
trust in Him, He is thy help and thy shield
the Lord has been mindful of thee
He will bless thee

l'appel du Createur the call of the Creator

This song is my version of Psalm 139, but the inverse, as it's GOD talking to us about how much He knows us, instead of the psalmist telling GOD how much He knows him, and...in French. When GOD was knitting me together in my mother's womb, He put part of His heart for the country of France into mine. I always say that I left half of my heart over there when I came home and I don't think it's an exaggeration. I still yearn and pray for revival in French hearts, and ache for them to know Him. This song is an expression of that longing...

la couleur de tes cheveux    the color of your hair
la brillance de tes yeux    the brilliance of your eyes
la taille de tes pieds    the size of your feet
la longueur de tes doigts    the length of your fingers
le rhythme auquel ton coeur bat    the rhythm that your heart beats
c'etaient toutes mes idees    these were all My ideas

et toi, tu Me connais a peine    and you, you barely know Me
mais Moi, Je te connais bien    but Me, I know you well
Je t'ai cree et comme Je t'aime    I created you and how I love you!

quand tu pleures, ca me brise le coeur    when you cry, it breaks My heart
quand tu souris, c'est Mon bonheur    when you smile, it brings Me such joy
meme si t'en sais rien    even if you don't know it
quand tu te leves, Je te vois    I see you when you rise
a chaque pas Je suis devant toi    at every step I am before you
Je te montre le chemin, c'est Moi    I am showing you the way, it's Me

tu Me connais a peine    and you, you barely know Me
mais Moi, Je te connais bien    but Me, I know you well
Je t'ai cree et comme Je t'aime    I created you and how I love you!

a Mon image Je t'ai faconne    I fashioned you in My image
et Je connais toutes tes pensees    and I know all of your thoughts
tes soucis et tes peurs    your worries and your fears
le vide que tu ressens, c'est pour Moi    that void you feel, it's for Me
c'est Mon amour qui doit etre la    that's where My love should be
si tu Me donnes ton coeur, tu verras    if you give Me your heart, you will see

limitless

This is the first song I've written entirely inspired by pet peeves. We are so quick to put limits on GOD... I do it, I see others doing it, and it makes me crazy. It's so illogical. We try to succintly define the Infinite. We try to wholly comprehend the Incomprehensible. We succumb to this "if i can't understand it, it must not be true" idea, but that just doesn't work with GOD. When we limit Him to what we can understand, some part of Him is always compromised. He can be known by us, that is the glorious truth of the Gospel!, but He cannot be fathomed or understood - He is too vast, too great, too wonderful! Dr. Jerry Root taught me that GOD is the Great Iconoclast; the very moment we have made an icon of Him is the very moment He bursts out of it. No matter how big or great we imagine Him, He is always bigger and greater. May we be ever awestruck by the mystery of such infinite greatness and character...

my GOD is limitless, limitless
my GOD is limitless, limitless

we cut and paste theology 'til we've got GOD down to travel size
He'll fit nicely in a box like that
a faith we can handle with a GOD we can comprehend
but my GOD is not like that (not like that)

my GOD is limitless, limitless
my GOD is limitless, limitless

if i could just have this, if You could just do that
as if it was too much to ask
when He's blessing His children, when He's answering their requests
my GOD doesn't hold anything back (no, no, no)

my GOD, His goodness is limitless
His goodness is limitless, limitless

think of the biggest thing You can and then multiply its size by ten
then multiply again by a thousand
now you have a fraction of the height and depth and breadth
of the love my GOD envelopes you in (envelopes you in)

my GOD, His love is limitless
His love is limitless, limitless

go and find every book ever written on every subject under the sun
then compile them all into one
now you have a page in the annals of the mind of GOD
and if you start to read it, you'll never be done (never be done)

'cause my GOD, His knowledge is limitless
His knowledge, His wisdom is limitless

toward the Light

I wrote this just a couple days before Christmas 2005, when a co-worker told me a story about someone in a store threatening to commit suicide. It made my heart very heavy, and I began to think about what could be driving that person to such despair and wishing I could be there to offer help and then wondering what I would say if I was there...

i know the darkness can feel like an eternity
it seems like nothing can make this turn out right
just take another breath, take another step
and keep walking toward the Light

i know there are changes that you did not anticipate
there are battles that you don't want to fight
just take another breath, take another step
and keep walking toward the Light

take my hand, if you need to
go ahead and hold on tight
for a while, i will lead you
i will lead you toward the Light

i know you're wondering if i have ever felt like you
yeah, but now i'm singing from the other side
just take another breath, take another step
and keep walking toward the Light
keep walking toward the Light

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